love in the time of cholera

finally...habis jugak membaca buku ni. what took me so long? well, it'a classic...so, the style of writing is old-style, long sentences, bla,bla,bla. and because english isn't really my spoken language, i had to re-read afew time to actually understand it.

the book is about a melacholic love affair between 2 teenagers during the early 19th century somewhere in south america. (pardon for the lack of details). there is no usual make-outs, holding hands, touching, dating or watsoever modern couples do nowadays. instead they keep the romance alive by perfumed love letters, serenading with violin, exchanging glimpses of each other from afar and passing notes through strangers. 3 main roles: Fermina Daza, Florentino Ariza and Juvenal Urbino. 

what interest me is the story is soooooo intertwined with each other characters that you didnt notice the flashback of each other's life stories. the book has only like about 3,4 chapters. yet the history and point of views of each person is very detailed and seemed important. even the other characters were carefully written that i think makes them really matters in the story. 

and to think it all happens during the un-romantic cholera epidemic. no, they didnt catch cholera, but the fear of it tore the love of Fermina and Florentino apart. although Fermina wedded the famous, respected Dr Urbino and lasted till their golden age, Florentino kept his love strong. known for his casanova ways (with both male and female) it was clear that while his body was for lust, his heart was for Fermina. in the end, true love thrived the long years. 

here are some quotes:

"To him she seemed so beautiful, so seductive, so different from ordinary people, that he could not understand why no one was as disturbed as he by the clicking of her heels on the paving stones, why no one else's heart was wild with the breeze stirred by the sighs of her veils, why everyone did not go mad with the movements of her braid, the flight of her hands, the gold of her laughter. He had not missed a single one of her gestures, not one of the indications of her character, but he did not dare approach her for fear of destroying the spell."

"Together they had overcome the daily incomprehension, the instantaneous hatred, the reciprocal nastiness, and fabulous flashes of glory in the conjugal conspiracy. It was time when they both loved each other best, without hurry or excess, when both were most conscious of and grateful for their incredible victories over adversity. Life would still present them with other moral trials, of course, but that no longer mattered: they were on the other shore."

a romantic novel, not the kind u usually find nowadays. no wonder it's an award winning book. bravo!

not bad at all!

this week is my erm...3rd week @ new school. conclusion setakat ini:

1) mereka sgt kurang membuang masa bermeeting every week. esok baru nk meeting after the first one bf session opened.

2) seniors are friendly..maybe sbb akummg muka tembok menyapa menyengih all the time, tka smpi ati agaknya tak lyn aku.

3) students are waaaaaay mo behaved than those brats in old school.

4) save minyak n masa...nearer to home. 20 minutes dh smpi, sumtime less if i speed.

5) sklh agak daif sbb stinn in cionstruction phase. berhabuk! tp sbb sekeliling byk pokok kurang panas.

sure, i miss my old friends. tp aku bersyukur pada Tuhan sbb membebaskan aku dpd terus dizalimi oleh mereka yg tak bertanggungjawab. ada hikmah di sebalik semua kesakitan hati!

(tetiba teringat kat suma friends yg sedang dan pernah melalui saat2 sukar...semoga Allah permudahkan jalan keluar untuk kami semua. Amin)

Encik ada masalah?

aku tak tau apa masalah org tua ni. ko tu kan GPK, TN HJ lagi. jaga bebaik title tu bleh x? tp mmg Tuhan nk tunjuk, kan....yg mulut ko tu pembawa masalah. kucar kacir satu sekolah dek kerana mulut ko.

apa sebenanya masalah ko ni?? aku dah berambus dah la dr sklh ko tu. bkn aku x tau 'invisible hand' ko dlm buat keputusan pindah memindahkan org. jgn ingat aku bodoh eh. dah tu apa hal ko nak ungkit2 psl aku kena observe dgn PPD tu? tu first day sekolah la, ni dah minggu ketiga sklh baru nk menyalak?? eh, cik puan dr PPD tu pun tak komen apa2 tau. klu pompuan tu pndi sgt, kenapa dia tak isi borang observe? kenapa dia tak sign buku rekod aku? dah la dtg dgn x pki nametag...ada hati nk obcerve cikgu. eh, org PPD tu mostly adalah guru bermasalah yg malas nk ngajar pastu cabut gi pejabat utk tjk power kat cikgu lain.

yg ko tu plak tn hj, ada awak check lesson plan saya????? complete la, setan!!! dia observe aku masa aku relief org yg bersalin la. tu pun last minute baru dpt. nk lesson apa? nasib baik aku buat ujian diagnostik tau, ada jgk kerja yg budak2 tu buat. kut aku duduk mcm patung berhala dlm kelas tu kang lagi haru. dah tu kenapa ko mention2 nama aku dlm meeting?? ada hutang ke?? sedar la sikit kau tu ada sawan. kang tetiba kena sawan dpn students malu besar kang kau. haram jadah punya org tua. bangsat betul! pndi2 ckp mengajar dgn lesson plan dlm kepala. aku dah blah dekat 2 minggu tetiba kuar lak statement tu. mcm la ko selama ni ngajar guna lesson plan. mana buku rekod mengajar kau??? x buat kan? masuk kelas menceceh mcm lecturer buat lawak bodoh je, ko ingat bdk2 suka sgt dgn kau? eh, sedar la skit ko tu bukan org suka sgt pun.

so tn haji sawan, this one i wont let go. jgn ingat ko dah gi haji Tuhan  tu kau punya sorg eh. ko ingat ko sorg je yg ada tuhan? aku takkan doakan yg baik2 utk ko smpi kiamat la, jantan.

small things

betul la kata orang. dlm kita dok nak mencari bahagia..kekadang benda2 kecik je yg membuatkan kita tersenyum. aku terjumpa gambar lama zaman kat UKM dulu2...syahdu sekejap weh. zaman ni semua org mmg rapat, sgt la rapat smpi ada yg berjodoh...salah sorgnya tu aku la. masa ni, takde gap antara kitaorg...takde jurang ekonomi, takde kerjaya pilitik, takde perbezaan latarbelakang kuarga....yg ada cuma PERSAHABATAN. rindu la zaman muda2 remaja nih...

gear up, babe!

Td GB jumpa aku personally. dgn bunga2 perbualan yg mencurigakan aku sensed sumthing was not right. half an hour b4, a colleague told me that ada guru Sains yg akan ditukarkan kerana dh lebih kuota. my first greet to Gb was "mcm ada berita tak baik je, cikgu". and hell was i right. aku ditukarkan ke sekolah lain. after a bit of civilised discussion i asked for a nearer school to home.

was i mad? a bit. did i cry? nope. panic? nope. heartbroken? a bit. disbelief? nada. relief? strangely yes. aku marah sebab aku postpone perpindahan pertengahan tahun aku utk UPSR last year...untuk apa? utk ditukarkan pada awal tahun. aku tak tau kenapa aku tak nangis. panik ke kaget ke pun tak. first person aku bgtau mestilah hubby, then hubby kpd BFF aku which happens to be my other BF(BFF yg juga dipindahkan a few days b4), BFF aku and member sebelah meja.

terkejut pun tak sbb mcm dah dpt few petanda. tergamam initially la. about 10 seconds aku terdiam smbl pandang kat kucing. kucing tu pun pandang je muka aku. dan honestly aku agak lega sbb Allah dgr rintihan aku last year...ttg students, ttg kwn2 sekerja, ttg office politics, ttg semuanya yg indah dan gundah pada sekolah ni.

cuma aku terkilan sbb keluar mcm kena halau. apa pun reason, perasaan tu ttp ada. mcm org dah tak suka kita, dah tak perlukan kita. sbb bukan ko yg nak pindah, at least bukan ke tpt yg ko nak. i feel numb the whole day. i slept, melantak, buat mcm2 but it still doesnt take a way the pain. br je tadi dpt baju rasmi sklh utk dipakai tahun ni. sedih rasanya tak sempat pakai utk acara sklh. maybe masa last day aku kat sini aku nak pakai la. maybe aku tak nak dtg langsung hari terakhir tu. drama queen betul la.

here i am watching "the pursuit of happyness". in the afternoon of new year. is it inspiring? is it depressing? i dunno. rite now a bit heartbreaking and i am in tears. who wouldn't be? a black man demoted of his salesman job, wife leaving, kicked out of home, living in a motel, started back as an intern, very limited fund of money, kicked out of the motel, living in a subway toilet and support a son. you know how they say it, when it rains it pours. i dont know how the story ends, but like any inspirational story it will end well.

makes me think hard. if i am in deep shit, there will be people in deeper shit. how do they manage?? what do i do in my pursuit of happiness? what is the happiness i am looking for? money? wealth? recognition? got me really, really thinking.

we can never be too careful. nor too satisfy. i have 364 days left in 2011 to make things happen. i will not listen to others anymore. i plan my own life. if i fall, no one will pick me up. i'll stand up by myself. if i hurt, no one will see my tears. because i am tired. sure, i will play by the rules, but heck... will not play it like a fool.

i hope for a better future. 2010 was okay, and i pray for easy-on-the-heart 2011 if not better.
told you this will smith's story is depressing.

setahun yg lalu

saya dah....

        

2010, mcm2 yg saya nak. tapi...saya tak mau listkan. sbb nanti ia sekadar list. happy new year, everyone.

blues

pen merah dah cukup?
pen hitam...dakwat basah, dakwar kering, gel...dah ada?
check la balik pencil case tu...mana tau ada yg perlu diganti.
erm...nak beli kasut baru la..baru semangat sikit..
baju baru ada dah, ha...jom cari handbag.
tudung kena beli gak ni...ish, Ariani tgh sale la.

apa lagi ek?
ohh, meja kat dlm bilik guru tu  lusuh dah alasnya.
letak bunga sikit ke, gambar ke...baru ceria.
eh, tahun ni kan nak main undi lagi kan...geng tak cukup korum la...sapa nak join?
aiseh, spare tyre nmpk la...sempat tak ek crash diet dlm seminggu lebih ni?
nanti first meeting kena mintak senarai nama murid, buku yuran.
pastu kena standby mcm2 mende alah nak ditampal kat kelas...
alas meja, riben, penyapu, tong sampah kena make sure dukup suma tuh.
ok la tu kan....esok bleh start shopping utk suma list diatas.
mari kita KEMBALI KE SEKOLAH!!!!!!
yay!!!!!
eh, name tag aku mana??????

Dalam Hati ada Asam

teringat kepada perbualan dgn tai-chi-mate(?) yg baru join group kami. auntie ni rupanya join taichi utk hilangkan kebosanan n kesedihan sbb baru beberapa thn kehilangan suami. Kanser. kesian dia. jadi masa dia bercerita (dgn bahasa melaysianya yg agak limited) dia menggambarkan rasa pedih di hati dengan ayat " saya kalau cerita pasai abg, tak boleh tahan...ini hati ah, ada asam...". to think about it, agak tepat la penggunaan frasa "ada asam" tu. apa rasa jika kita letak benda masam pada luka kita? pedih kan? haaaa.....tu la rasa dia bila dia teringat laki dia.

jadi tuan2 dan puan2, sedara sedarti, adik, akak dan abang.....

hari ni hati saya ada asam. asam jawa punya hubby olang.....cheh!

mi casa

 

Ini kunci.

Ini kunci rumah.

Ini kunci rumah saya.

Ini kunci rumah dia.

Ini kunci rumah kami.

Ini kunci kebahagiaan kami.

Ini kunci punca hutang kami.

Ini kunci syurga idaman kami.

Ini kunci kepada kurangya 1/3 gaji saya.

Ini kunci chinta, kasih, sayang dan hati kami.

Ini kunci.

Kunci KAMI.

azam bulan Disember

i promise myself. thid December i will make this

(pic courtesy of marthastewart.com)

and this

(pic courtesy of myfirstkitchen.net)

and may be this (notice the pic is bigger? hehehehehe)

(pic from marthastewart.com)

Ambitious? you bet. Impossible? not entirely out of reach. Salivating already? good, because i am. as a matter of fact, i've been thinking bout those calorie-ladden sinful food for a week now. no, not thinking. CRAVING. and no, i'm not with a child. @ least not yet.

kalau dah takde jodoh

semalam ada unfamiliar number called en hubby. tp dia tak angkat sbb tgn dia masa tu penuh dgn sambal ketam. rupanya tu nombor ada sorg sepupu MIL. katanya pihak hospital ada sorg baby boy baru lahir yg perlukan family baru. and since we're childless (much to our families' concern) he thought we might need one (you actually CAN need a child, eh?). Jadi, sbb kami tak angkat phone, takde ada la baby.

ini lah yg aku selalu pegang. semua kat duni ni berjodoh. jodoh bukan setakat nak kahwin-kahwin aje. nak cari housemate berjodoh, nak dpt anak angkat berjodoh, nak jumpa kwn2 lama tanpa dirancang pun berjodoh. betul tak? klu dah takde jodoh tu, ko rancang la, ko calculate la, ko buat la plan A, B, C...tak berjumpa punya.

tapi, kalau dah Allah suratkan utk cross each other's paths...mmg jumpa punya. yg belum berteman, tetiba aje nak kahwin...dipermudahkan jalan pulak tu. klu dah mmg baby tu awak punya, tak plan nak amik anak pun akan terus jumpa jatuh hati dgn budak yg dimaksudkan. klu dah mmg rumah yg awak berkenan tu berjodoh dgn awak, mahal macamna pun tetap awak jadi ownernya.

so, kalau org tanya saya "kenapa tak amik anak angkat lagi?" atau yg sewaktu dgnnya...my answer senang aje. belum jumpa jodoh dgn baby tu. pas tu siap la...kuar suma ceramah agama aku. for the record, masuk semalam dah ada 2 family yg nak bg anak depa kat aku...tapi hati belum terbuka. dan aku tak nak status anak aku diungkit2 masa akan datang....baik oleh org lain, baik hubby atau aku sdr.

adopted child may not come from the womb of the foster parents, but he comes from the heart.

this is for the pantins

this post is dedicated to Iiraku & groom and Bzz & bride. Semoga panjang jodohnya dan kuat iman mereka dalam meneruskan hidup bersama...

hari ni x best

checked e-tukar (online app for transfer). this is what i got....

last saturday, ada sorg minah yr 5 ni sudah bawak bf dia (f3..and aku penah ajar mamat tu dulu). tu aku tak heran la...yg x best tu dok la nak pegang2 tgn dlm area sklh. so aku sound la, "hari keusahawanan ni byk parents and org rmi dtg, please jaga tingkah laku skit." sekali hari ni kat fb dia sudah sound aku...'cikgu  tak reti jaga mulut'....wah, klu dah dlm sklh pun cikgu takleh sound, takyah sklh la cik adik. umur baru 11 tahun dah nak tnjk taiko??? dah la next year aku kena ajar ko. AAARRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

so, zaman skang mmg anak org dah takleh ditegur ye..mak bapak je la yg bleh tegur? tu baru bdk yg jawab... klu mak dia yg jwb mcamana ek? errr...aku ada suggestion la... apa kata kita humban aje dlm laut segala mak nenek peraturan sklh, rukun negara etc bagai... bdk suka, cikgu pun mkn gaji buta je. owh, padan la aku takde anak agaknya, kang anak aku skema sgt..dpt mak tak sporting.

TODAY SUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKSSSSSS!

di mana aku?

Baru selesai melayari Saifulislam. terbaca artikel mengenai saudara baru. antara ayat yang tiba2 menusuk di kalbu

    "apakah kamu sudah bersedia kembali kepada fitrah?"

fitrah. adakah aku benar2 berada dlm fitrahku? fitrah manusia makan, minum, membesar, bayi menjadi kanak-kanak kemudian remaja dan dewasa, bekerja, melunaskan keperluan zahir, menacari kepuasan batin, beragama.  sejauh mana telah aku betul2 penuhi fitrah diri sendiri?

aku manusia biasa. suami yang bergelar ustaz, bukan aku. tak boleh melanggar batas2 etika dan agama (mcm la klu bukan isteri ustaz boleh langgar) tapi tak bermakna aku mesti berupa seperti mereka yg segelaran dgnku. aku lemah. kadangkala culas menjalankan tanggungjawab....solat, tugas as isteri, sedekah, ehsan....mcm2 yang terlepas. jadi sebenarnya aku ni sudah menjalani fitrah ke? kenapa perlu ada rasa seperti berhutang dang dihutangi? can we actually keep score with God? klu ada perasaan begitu adakah kita ni sesat? 

sorry, post kali ni berbau personal. sejak kebelakangan ni kurang rasa tenang. maybe ada hutang yang belum langsai dgn Allah. maybe perlu keluar dpd hutan batu ni. maybe perlu buat satu U-turn. doakan saya mendapat jawapan yang dicari. 

the heart definitely grows fonder

the man of my life is away for the 3 days. *sigh*.... dgn sapa aku nak gaduh ni?

culture club

if u wanna know another culture or another country, what do you do? most probably u travel there. i love travelling but with my ciput bajet, i found another way to experience it. FOOD. yup, i truly think food is another way to taste the accent of the culture/country. ewah, mcm travelogue journalist la plak. (that also would be the only reason to my expanding waistline and even bigger hips.)

tapi sungguh...berapa org je antara kita yg mampu nak pergi ke tpt yg kita nak (in my case, the place would be SPAIN. sbb the first book about another country i read was about spain). and since i am considered a mutated ulat buku + couch potato clone by my family...i always ended up craving for the foreign food.

 for instance, Japanese food. it started after Uni where i faithfully followed a japanese drama...cam best je makanan dia. then in maktab, a friend taught me how to eat japanese. i was hooked....smpi la terjangkit lak kat hubby. then i found out that japanese food more often than not rely on 'mirin' (a sweet cooking rice wine). erk...tak halal tu! so i stopped eating japanese until i cant stand no more. i search high and low for japanese recipes and other halal substitute....SUCCESS! i made my own halal version of teriyaki, miso soup and tempura. Thank you Allah!

i avoid Korean drama...because i cant stand my own drama if i was to crave for Korean food...Kimchi looks disgusting, anyway.

not to mention while reading 'Eat, Love, Pray' i was constantly on pasta diet ( to hubby's dismay coz he loathes pasta). spiral, spaghetti, bows angels hair, bolognaise, seafood, vegies, chicken.....anything i can get my chubby hands on. oh, by mentioning Italy, i might as well try to make some of those biscotti. imagine...a strong cup of coffee and slices of toothbreaking, hard biscotti during rainy days. hmmmmmm......

oh, and i follow Martha Stewart. my mind go haywire thinking of all the cookies and cakes..thus the explaination for the sudden frenzy of endless baking. sugar, flour, choc chips, vanilla.....yummy...i even toyed with the idea to enroll in baking classes. gila!

right now, i am reading a book by Katheryn Stockett, 'the Help'. OMG..i swear i could smell those buttermilk fried chicken, peach cobbler and iced tea...eventhough the nearest i've been to american southern food is maybe KFC. hahahaha!

come to think of it all......i might as well install a good oven and cooking hobs in our new house. mana tau kan, dtg giler aku nak mkn yg bukan2.  "darling, is there any sen left to buy me one of these?" *wink, wink*

sabar...sabar

another milestone achievement in my life. as an adult. as i said before...i'm a late bloomer. other friends have maybe bigger, more expensive, prettier and more than one. but this is mine. everything is berjodoh...termasuk yang ini.

our another first step taken together. may everything else will fall in place naturally, too. rumah besar2 ni takkan nak duduk berdua aje, kan? Makbulkan la doa kami, amiiiiiin.

my English teacher(s)

dear Hubby of mine selalu tanya "mcmana awak leh tera BI ek?" tera? dia tak penah dgr lg classmate aku berbual...aku ni standard budak djh 6 je tau. setiap kali soalan tu kuar aje..mesti la terkenangkan kelas 1M1 dulu....

masuk2 je berkenalan la dgn 'singapore girl' ni...ckp siap pelat2 mat saleh lagi. rupanya melayu. nama dia Kartini Kassim. aku duk sebelah dia kut. belajar berbual dgn dia la...aku kan budak kamppung tersesat kat JB.. so bila aku soal dlm BM, sia jwb BI. Bila dia tny BI, aku bls BM. dah mcm ayam dgn itik. hahahahahah! eh, dia angsa la...sbb leher dia pjg jinjang skit. 

lagi sorg, Wawa. skang pki nama Waheeda Wassini. (ha, ingat aku takde kenal artis ke??? hahahaha...tu pun nak bangga). ni pun aku kagum gak sbb bila dia tepon kwn2 SIGS dia aje, mesti nak ckp omputih. dgn mak ayah dia pun nak ckp omputih...kagum, kagum.

then dtg la plak sorg minah Aussie kat kelas sebelah2....Shahrina Abdol Rahman...atau Sheena. ni pun lidah minah salleh. part accent tu yg tak tahan tu..mmg aku tak paham.

depa ni la yg perkenalkan aku dgn lagu2 mat salleh. on of them is Belinda Carlise (ni cik Kay yg ajar). smpi skang jd fave aku..n lagu ni mmg buat aku teringat kat dia. 

and this song

pastu, kat asrama kan...telinga tu mesti nak dgr lagu omputih. kerja aku bila dgr lagu, kat tgn ada kamus. then try cari makna dia.

so, bila suami saya kata saya tera BI, saya senyum aje. sbb skang dia dah kenal sapa kwn2 saya yg betul2 tera BI, jadi dia dah tak kata lg saya tera BI. ;)

budak zaman sekarang

first day after UPSR.
sorg budak dah kantol bawak hp ke sklh. ktorg buat tak nmpk aje sbb bg can, maklum la masa tu jamuan Hari Raya n celebrate abis XM. yg x best tu, bleh la plak pakat ramai2 tgk clip video lucah! mmg tak leh bg muka.

first week after UPSR.
cubaan utk cabut sklh berjaya dipatahkan after terkantol dgn cikgu BM. sapa suruh semunyi blkg kedai buku yg dah sah2 org lalu lalang. tak pandai betul.

second week after UPSR.
bergaduh smpi bengkak2 mata. anak cikgu vs anak mak abah yg takleh diusik. dah kecoh satu sekolah.

third week after UPSR.
kantol lg sorg bawak CD lucah, then org yang sama lari dr rumah. bila dicari, pkl 2 a.m. baru balik. td, tak smpi ke sekolah and ada saksi yg nmpk empunya badan dah tunggu bas dgn beg berisi pakaian.

Allahuakbar! apa nak kami buat dgn budak2 mcm ni eh? pening kepala layan kes mcm ni..esp klu melibatkan benda2 lucah ni.