people always say 'it's not the destination, it's the journey that counts'. well, if it is true, i really want my journey to as short and as less painful as possible.
last time i recall, a king intervened with my IUI.
this time, it from God. i might have new perspective on the phrase 'divine intevention'. i have been chaotic these past few days having my va-jay-jay scanned, eating this and that drug, having myself injected at the precise moment...only to find out at the very last minute that my IUI cant be carried out because of my husband's poor swimmers. (ok, u might says it is very unholy of me to tell story about my husband but that is the truth. that is among the reason of our infertility and if u need to know, 50% of infertilities in the world is because of male infertility.)
what can i say? doc wanted me to take a month break, and because Ramadan is approaching, i have to take a break for another month.
i had nothing on my mind when he told me the heartbreaking news..i tried not to cry but the tears just flowed. i was in awe..because i was soooo ready to do the IUI and so ready to be heartbroken on the next period i was totally unprepared for this premature halt.
and i cried. and i blame myself. and i blame my hausband. and i blame God. i blame the universe. heck i even swear those mothers-to-be took ALL my luck for themselves. to add salt to the wound..my IUI was on the day of all preggers come to for their monthly check. and there i was unable to try to get pregnant surrounded by big bellied, big assed pregnant mothers with oh-look-at-my-pregnant-glow on their faces. i hate preggers!
oh, look..there were many husbands come together for support..touching bellies, feeling movement...oh SICK!
and today, ironically....my SIL gave birth to a baby boy. WHAT JOY!!!!! yahooo! splendid!
isn't that just lovely?
(do you hear that? that is the sound of my positive outlook on life goes down the drain)
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